Submission episode #2: how feminism has tainted the biblical view of womanhood – Glory in the Ordinary
I am editing the opening of this blog after having almost finished the entirety of the post, because I feel the need to add this paragraph in. An amazing thing happened this week as I decided that I was going to write a blog on this topic. Everything with my children seemed to go haywire. I purposed to get up early to make sure I had time to get ready for the day, pray, read my bible, and blog before the kids got up. Yet every morning, the moment I wrapped up my time in the word, I heard the pitter patter of little feet down the hallway. Keep in mind that I am getting up at 5, so I am finishing my bible reading at 6:15. This may not be odd for some, but my children typically don’t wake up until at least 7, sometimes 7:30. So, I have had to write this blog amidst the chaos that is having 4 children around all the time. It was as if the Lord was preparing my heart that I was going to need to hear myself say these words as much as you may need to read them. I hope reading this blog blesses you as much as it has blessed me to write it during a particularly challenging week in motherhood.
Though an unpopular view today, most of us can attest that the greatest blessings we have had in our lives are typically things that we have had to struggle for. They are the things that when finally attained, we prize the most. That first car we bought on our own that we had to scrimp and save for. The job we searched for months to find. Finally seeing two lines on a pregnancy test after trying for months or years without success. When things are easily attainable, we are much less likely to appreciate them. It is when we have had to work hard and patiently wait for something, having to actively deny our flesh in order to reach that long term goal, that the victory is the sweetest. We will give a hearty “amen” to this principle as a generality, but do we apply it to how we are mothering our children?
God tells us that children are a blessing, a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127). If you had asked me 3 years ago if I viewed my children as a blessing, I would have said that I did, but you would shortly hearing me complaining about how exhausted I was and how they were just driving me nuts. That’s normal though, right? Everyone is annoyed by their kids, aren’t they?
Let’s take a step back and examine why we believe that it is okay to say that. Something I have started to ask when I find myself saying things that are fussy or have a hint of discontent hiding behind the tone is, “what are the implications of what I am saying?” For example, one of my children was complaining about having to stop playing a game to do chores the other day. When I asked them what their attitude was saying about what they believed and walked them through it, we figured out that it showed that they believed they deserved to get to play all day long and shouldn’t have to do work. This is a lie. We are created to work and we are commanded by scripture to work as unto the Lord, with a joyful attitude. It opened up an opportunity to pray with that child over the heart issue that was revealed by this sinful attitude.
Don’t misunderstand me, children should be thankful for godly parents and they should respect their God given authority. However, that is something that has to be cultivated in their hearts. It doesn’t just automatically grow. It takes an enormous amount of work on our part to bring that gratefulness about. We are all born sinners, so we are all born selfish and self seeking. Children are the perfect example of that. I won’t lie to you and say that I never feel frustrated by my kids. Child rearing is a good thing, and good things are typically hard. Remember the first car analogy? Is it fun in the moment to deny yourself the treat of eating out so that you can put that $20 into savings? No. Can it be frustrating to have a set back and have to pull money back out of that savings account to cover an unexpected expense? Absolutely! However, if you are obedient and deny your feelings in the moment, you will reap long term rewards.
This is the exact same principle for parenting. It doesn’t feel good to deny yourself and get up at 5 AM so that you can have quiet time with the Lord before your kids wake up. It can be very frustrating to leave the room in order to dump out the mop water that your 18 month old was trying to climb into, only to come back and find the same toddler dumping coffee on your couch (true story of what actually happened last week). It is here, in the moments where we are pushed beyond what is comfortable, where secular thinking tends to creep into our minds. We think “I deserve to sleep until 7! My kids just need to learn to play quieter so that I can have time in the mornings to read my bible while they are up.” Or “Why can’t I just leave the room for 2 seconds and not have a child destroy something?!”
We must be diligent to speak truth over these situations. The truth is that maybe you should just go to bed earlier to ensure that you will have time before your kids get up to dedicate yourself to things that you need to do to care for yourself. Or maybe Momma should have remembered that she has a toddler and not left the coffee cup on the end table. 4 kids in and I am still learning that last one!
Most things that we are tempted to complain about can be prevented or drastically reduced by mere preparation. Psalm 103 tells us that God knows our frame and that He remembers that we are dust. God is our example of the perfect parent. We ought to know the frame of our children, remembering that they are children. Children wake up early, plan for that and go to bed early. Children take forever to get out the door, plan for that and pack the bag the night before. Start getting them ready at least half an hour before you believe you should have to. Children tend to get into things when left to their own devices, plan for that and give them direction in their days (along with maybe putting away anything that could be too messy or dangerous). And even still, there will come situations where all of the preparation in the world won’t prevent the bad attitude or misbehavior. That is when self control, proper discipline, and a lot of prayer come in. More on those in a later blog.
Motherhood is messy and it takes planning and patience to do it well. Your children are tiny (most of the time) unregenerate sinners. You tend to be in tight parameters, because kids love their momma and want to be with her all the time. Naturally, they are going to sin against you and push your buttons. God has such a beautiful design for motherhood though. These are the days. The days when you are going to learn more about yourself than you ever knew. You are going to learn just how deep your sin and selfishness runs. You are going to find every ugly nook and cranny that you never knew existed in your heart. And here is the precious gift, sister. God is right there with you! He is holding your hand as you are learning all of this. He is shining His light in that darkness. He is bringing it to light so that you might learn to turn from it! We can’t change what we don’t know is hiding underneath the surface.
You may be asking, “How do I do that though?! It is so hard to be patient when they are constantly pushing me every time I finally pull myself together.” The answer is simple and hard at the same time. Deny yourself and your feelings, take up your cross, and follow Jesus. We are blood-bought children of God, ladies! Just because you feel something, doesn’t mean that the feeling defines you or defines what is true. It also doesn’t mean that you have to act on that feeling. Take that feeling and leave it at the foot of the cross where it belongs. Examine every thought that enters your mind and make it bend the knee to Christ. We are constantly told that if we feel something, it is “our truth,” but feelings don’t make things true, Jesus does. Jesus said that He is the truth. Not “a truth”, but the truth. So he is to be our filter through which we view every thought and action.
In a later post, I want to get more into the practical aspects I have learned along the way in regards to training and guiding our children. We must always start however, with the momma. You have to get your heart right, address your sinful attitude, before you can ever hope to address theirs. So, in closing, some thoughts I want to challenge you with. What ways have you believed the lie that you deserve ease and comfort? Is there anything that you can change today that might make your days flow better and prevent some of the chaos? Are there any heart attitudes that you have that are revealing that you are yielding more to your flesh as a mother than to the Spirit?
Blessings on your week, sweet sister! Let me know in the comments how I can pray for you and if you have any questions! Make sure to go follow me on Instagram!
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